'Cause You Gotta Have Faith, Faith, Faith
03/28/2003
6:41 p.m.
Damnit!! I wish I had never read that stupid diary. It's caused problems, created doubts, broken trusts, and left me with one hell of a headache. Fortune Cookie says I'm misinterpreting his entry. He claims that what he writes is simply rants made out of anger, sadness, whatever-a "verbal vomit", if you will. The entries are extreme emotions he feels for a moment and then gets out of his system. I can buy that. It's like getting mad at lil' sis and claiming you hate her and want to kill her. That doesn't mean you do hate her, and you certainly won't kill her. But Fortune Cookie also feels like I've broken his trust and invaded his privacy. He says his online journal is for strangers to comment on. He likes having unbiased opinions given to him by someone that doesn't know him or the people he writes about. He doesn't want those that know him to read it. He compares me reading it to finding a book journal hidden under the bed and reading that. That I don't buy. I didn't go through his history and find the link to his journal while he was in the shower or somethin' like that. He showed me where it was! He sat there next to me with the laptop in his lap and let me read a couple o' entries. Now he says that he asked me not to read it again after seeing those few entries. I don't remember that, but I do tend to forget conversations quite often (which would be why I write in this thing). Well, despite all that, that's not the point. I don't really think it matters if this was technically an invasion of privacy or not. The point is that he feels violated. I would never want to cause someone to feel that way, intentionally or unintentionally. That I will apologize for. That I will feel bad about. Had I known he would feel this way, I would never have done it. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not ignoring me here. I'm still pretty damn hurt, and I have let him know it. There's now this seed of doubt and mistrust in the back of my brain that I'm gonna have to get through. It's a funny thing about trust. I believe you can't test it. It's either there or it's not. I'm gonna have to take a chance if I want this to work. I gotta have faith. Ooh, now I have George Michael's gyratin' butt flashing in my head. Anyway, if nothing else, he's one of the best friends I've ever had. This is a good relationship, and I'm gettin' to that age where you learn not to throw away the good relationships. I think this is one of those defining moments. At least it'd better be.
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� Lysistrata 2003-2004
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