I Be Strokin'! ...Or not.
11/06/2003
5:17 p.m.
I think my subconscious is tired of me being single. Case in point: I dreamed I was part of the "Sex & the City" cast. Hey, I know what you're thinking: Great! That's a sure-fire way to get a little booty action, Girlfriend! That would be logical, right? I mean, the whole show is about these chicks getting laid. Apparently not in my dream. Everytime I would come close to scoring, something would go wrong. The guy would freeze up, Kim Cattrall would walk into the room, etc. I couldn't get a bang to save my life. Nobody else in my dream had this problem. They were hitting the matresses left and right. Aren't dreams supposed to be your inner psyche's way of dealing with the problems of your life? How is me being sexually frustrated in my sleep supposed to help me with being sexually frustrated while I'm awake? *sigh* Gotta get some romance. And don't be sending me any comments offering to "ease my pain", so to speak. The way my brain's been working lately, the last thing I need to do is dream about screwing my computer. *************************************Cough Cough* Ahem, may I have everyone's attention, please? I have an important announcement to make. I went to Victoria's Secret the other day and had myself measured, and after many years of hope, patience, and bon-bons, I am pleased to announce a great achievement in Lys Land. I have now become... (drumroll, please) A 36D. Yes, yes, thank you very much. It took a lot of work and effort, but it finally paid off. Forever will I have problems keeping a seatbelt from choking me, wearing button-down shirts without that attractive little peephole between the buttons, and jogging without putting on three sports bras in order to avoid giving myself repeated black eyes. At least now I no longer have to worry about getting that boob job. And as soon as I lose the flabby arms, ghetto booty and thunder thighs, I'll be able to start my job at Hooters.
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� Lysistrata 2003-2004
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